I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
