Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
