oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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