I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
