I love black thongs
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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