idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
