I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
