You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
