all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
