Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
