While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
