I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
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