I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
