you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
