I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
