In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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