we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
