She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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