i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize