You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
