oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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