Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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