I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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