Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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