I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
