I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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