the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
