You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
