you didnt know i had herpes?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
