i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize