I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
