you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize