he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
