Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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