you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
