My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
