From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
