i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
