Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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