i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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