Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
