...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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