I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
