You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
