"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
