So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
