i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
