Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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