R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
