I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
