i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
