I just pynch a tree in the face
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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