when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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