so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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