i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
