I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
