Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
