Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
