Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
