if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
