You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
