Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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