we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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